bravenewworld | 11: action

Entry tags:

11: action

Who: Kanji and anyone who encounters him!
Where: The forest, the habitat
When: 1/19
What: A thoughtful Kanji deals with a surprise when he's out for a birthday walk - and has to deal with the consequences of his choice.

[1: Scorched Forest/Hot Springs]

Kanji's decided to spend his birthday out and about: he's taking a stroll through the Scorched Forest at the moment, looking around at the damaged scenery. A year ago, he'd never even set eyes on it. And yet now - it seems so plain, so trivial.

Everything he knows has changed. He's done some good work too, he knows: but he still feels like the same person he was before he even knew he was Enlightened. Still feels like the same person, scrapping to prove his strength in pointless ways and throwing himself into things that are just taking him further from it.

His friends have all changed, they're all making progress - what does he have to show but a few marks and a cute little design portfolio? That's not strength. He's not sure what it is - but it's not what he wants out of life.

Distracted, he hardly notices the Growlithe running out of the entrance to the springs, and almost trips over it. With a yelp, the little canine goes on the attack: Kanji blasts it away with a brief shock almost on instinct, heart rate leaping for a second as it skitters away. ... Dammit. Why did he have to scare the cute one?

Still. It's a fight, and the brief adrenalin rush -
There's a familiar glow starting to surge under his skin. He's seen it before. He knows what it means. And yet...

Now? Over that?

Something so trivial. He can't accept it. It's not right. He'd pushed himself to the limit the first time he'd evolved - for it to be something so meaningless, something that would never prove his strength -

He clenches hands that are trying to change, looks at arms that are trying to shift and the glowing aura that's suggesting what he could become-

I can't lie to myself. I'm not strong enough for this. I can't... not yet...

Pushing his willpower against the sheer rush of power - he closes his eyes. Focuses.
The light fades away, leaving the same old Kanji standing there. Same old figure, same old markings, same old pointed ears. Nothing changed.

His heart stops pounding and he stares.

"Did I... did I seriously..."

[2: Habitat]

Kanji's up in the habitat regularly. After all, with a group of Pokémon like his, he's got to find time to spend with them, and right now, he could use the company. Today, he's in the Flying-type friendly parts of the structure. Literally very much out of his element, but still...
His Swellow and Altaria are hanging around nearby, but his Pidgey's sitting on his lap as he strokes her feathers.

"...I guess I know how ya feel," he whispers, looking at her, a smile on his face. "When we're ready, right?"

She coos back - he laughs, stretching out watching the others circle overhead.

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Rise feels a little guilty now that she's been reminded of the Amagi Spa's existence, but then again the person she's made friends with doesn't work there anymore, and it's good exercise to walk out to the free Hot Springs anyway.

Regardless, she's wrapped back up in her coat and traveling clothes and leaving her monthly skin treatment/playing with Duckletts session when she runs into the flushed-looking Kanji.

"Hey, Kanji! You okay?" she asked. That was an expression she'd never really seen on the guy before.

It takes Kanji a moment to even realise he's being spoken to, and he whips round in surprise. "Huh? Why d'you think I ain't?" he responds, all defensive, even around a friend.

(A friend who'd been through this, who'd not worried, who'd not had something to worry about with it... damn.)

"I'm fine." He scratches his head for a moment. "Really. Just fine."

"Whoa, sorry," she says, genuinely apologetic despite the choice of words. "You just looked like you'd been in a fight, and you were just standing there..."

"A - no, no fight." After all, that tiny little scuffle could hardly merit the name of a 'fight'. Not something like that. "Guess I kinda... just... zoned out for a bit." His tone of voice is hardly the most convincing, though.

"Kanji, you're a terrible liar," she said, point-blank. She folded her arms. "If you don't want to talk to me, it's not like I can really read your mind or something, but it's just us out here. You don't need to hide anything."

Damn. She's got him there. Kanji lets out a long sigh, turns slightly away, ears drooping a spot. "It's ... kinda awkward," he says, his voice heavy and a little quiet. "I... shit, I don't know."

Rise moves over to a convenient (and fairly large) rock and sits down on it, patting a spot next to her. "Just talk about it from the beginning. It helps. Why do you think I never shut up?"

Okay, that actually earns a bit of a faint laugh for a moment, and he sits down in the indicated spot. "Tch. I just figured ya liked talkin'," he says with a bit of a shrug.

It's pretty rare to see Feliks around town anymore -- his self-given mission has been keeping him outside the walls most of the time. But if there's anywhere someone can find him, it's the Habitat.

He spots Kanji as he's there visiting his own Altaria, and his rather clingy Noctowl. (Looks like the Hoppip and the Ledyba are in other parts of the habitat today...) The Noctowl follows him rather unsubtly, as he makes his way over.

"Hey. Like, long time, no see!"

Edited 2015-01-20 13:22 (UTC)

Another visitor? Well, Kanji could use some company where he's not guessing what they're saying, if he's honest with himself. Just a bit of a distraction.
He looks over, lifts a hand in a wave and grins. "Long time no see, man. Coming to see the guys here, huh?" he asks.

"Well, I do that too, yeah," she admits, smiling back. "But it helps me think, and the more I put out there in the open, the less I have to deal with all by myself, right?"

She scoots over to make room for Captain Biceps and turns to look up at him. "So what's bugging you?"

Man. How to put it... he looks aside, rubbing his neck as he eventually starts to talk.

"I was just ... thinkin' about how I've been doin' as a trainer." Seems like a safe enough place to start, at least.

Feliks flops down in the grass nearby, his Noctowl fluttering over and taking up camp juuuuust behind him. He gives Kanji a little grin, reaching over to fluff the Noctowl's feathers a bit.

"Yeah, I've been a little busy with stuff. If I don't come here and hang out now and then, though, some big babies start acting like I'm never gonna come back!"

He laughs back, all relaxed for the moment: "Tch, yeah. Some'a my guys get the same sometimes. I mean, it ain't like I'd ever leave 'em, ya know?"

"Yeah? That makes sense. You've been at this almost as long as I have, and I think I passed an anniversary just recently," she said.

"Are you unsatisfied with something, or...?"

He takes a moment - and sighs, nodding slightly, full of tension.

"Yeah. I am." With himself. But how does he even say that? The last thing he wants to seem is weak in front of Rise...

"As if," he agrees, leaning back against the Noctowl as it scoots closer -- and starts to doze off, not used to being awake in the daylight. "It's kinda sweet how happy they always are to see me, though!

"So, what's new with you? Made anything cute lately?"

That was obviously the most important thing to ask about.

And there's the heart of things. Is that really all he's good for? He shakes his head, looking away. "Nah. Ain't really done anythin' like that for - a few weeks, I guess. Got swamped by commission stuff around Salvation 'n since then I guess I ain't been in the mood for a lot." It's dodging the point a bit, but true enough as it stands.

"Well, it happens."

Feliks gives a lazy little shrug, not really sure what Kanji has that uncomfortable look on his face for, but not about to push.

"It's like, you can't be up for everything all the time, right? I've been pretty busy lately, too."

"Suppose so." But has he even been up for the right things? Damn. He's not sure. Seizing on the distraction, though- "What've ya been doin', then?" he asks with a bit of a wave.

"And? What is it? I don't think it's your Pokémon, and you'd be crazy to want more places to explore," she guessed. "Is there something you feel like you're missing?"

Something he's missing? "Maybe." He sighs as he thinks it over. "I just ... feel like I'm goin' around in circles."

Well, that's not really something he wants to talk about, either. He smiles, trying not to let it look too... stretched out, too worn around the edges.

"Oh, you know, this and that!"

Remembering the Soulfasting and the dream they were in, he adds: "How's your mom?"

Looks like there's a lot of dodging things going on - even Kanji can tell that's evasive, but he's not going to push it. He blinks at the change of topic - "Uh, she's doin' good. The usual, y'know?"

"Cool, cool..."

God, he didn't have an endgame for that particular tactic. Now at least they're not talking about what he's been doing lately, but what else could he possibly want to know about Kanji's mom?

"That dream world thing was totally the weirdest, right?"

"No kiddin'. I know people were runnin' back in there almost straight away, but ..." It'd had him freaked out for ages. Seeing something trying to be her... It'd only been the last time it'd opened before he'd dared enter again. "Whole thing was messed up. Man, I'd rather have my dreams to myself."

"You mean you don't know where to go, or you know where to go but you don't know how to get there?" she suggested. "I know I was kinda having the first one, but I've never been great at planning."

A moment longer before he replies again: "A bit'f both. There's somethin' I want, but I ... don't know what it'll mean. 'Cause I'm startin' to think it doesn't mean what I thought."

"Not big on sharing?" he teased, emptily lighthearted, fidgeting with the grass under his fingers.

Still, thinking of how troubling the whole thing had been for him, he softened himself a little. "...It really was freaky to the max. Like, not my best moment, you know?"

"You kinda lost me on that one," Rise admitted, frowning. "What is it that you want?"

Kanji gives a brief snort and a glare at the first comment. But the rest? "Wasn't mine either. But, hell. We kinda had reasons t' not be thinkin' straight, right?"

In what's a surprisingly quiet tone of voice, considering who it's coming from:

"I wanna know what bein' strong means. I wanna know how strong I am."

She looks and Kanji for a long moment. Then she looks at Kanji's arms for a long moment.

"You mean something besides the obvious, then," she concludes. "I'm probably not much help there. I'm not someone who's strong on my own in any kinda way, you know?"

He manages a bit of a laugh. "Yeah. I don't mean the obvious. I mean, I thought it was, but... shit. I don't have a clue any longer."

Feliks is beginning to doubt his ability to just... have a conversation right now. It feels like a minefield, littered with traps like how are you and what have you been up to and other things he doesn't actually want to talk about.

Kanji's comment has him remembering the dream -- remembering the strange mockery of Fai, the way it moved, the panic of seeing him like that. It had been upsetting enough at the time, but now, with him gone...

When they were in the dream, he was all fire and courage in spite of the danger. Fear is something he knows how to conquer, something he can make himself better than.

Grief is proving more of a challenge. The memory of that part of the dream strikes at the most wounded part of him, and he flinches as if it were physical.

"...Yeah, it was pretty messed up!"

"Well yeah, strong can mean a lot of things," Rise says.

"Toyo hits like a little kid, but she's, like, invincible, for example. And Inari's a tiny girl who can wreck things with fire. And...heh, all my philosophy comes from watching my Pokémon now," she observes.

"But I mean...I think you're strong," she admits. "And not just because you can pound stuff or electrocute it or whatever. More like because I've never seen you quit at anything."

"Tch. That ain't bein' strong. That's bein' stubborn." Still, hearing that has at least cheered him up a little. "Doesn't feel like it means anythin'. And - hell, what if I'm doin' the wrong things to start with?"

"That's when you find someone with a different perspective to watch your back," Rise said, smiling. "Like friends who'll drag a philosophical conversation out of you."

Kanji scratches his head, there: "Heh. Didn't know I had that stuff in me."

"I did. Just because sometimes you don't think doesn't mean you can't."

Rise carefully digs her foot into the ground a bit and gives Kanji a pat on the shoulder. "Feel any better?"

"...Maybe a bit. I've just - damn. Got a lotta stuff to think about." And he doesn't know half of where to start.

"Tch. Understatement, man." He just shakes his head. That reaction, that flinch, though: sounds like it's still getting to Feliks, he thinks. Quietly, he goes on, with his best reassuring smile: "But we sorted 'em out. Ain't nothing gonna hold us down, right?"

Edited 2015-02-02 17:06 (UTC)

It's precisely the kind of big-talking confidence that he projects all the time, the sort of thing that should resonate with him (and usually does). It's a little easier, right now, to hear from someone else than to try and tell himself, but something about it is still just a little hollow... He smiles just as bright as he can, but the sparkles from his Fairy typing are something he can't force or fake, and there's not so much as a hint of them.

"For sure! They totally picked the wrong guys to mess with."

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11: action

Hot Springs

Re: Hot Springs

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