Video

[schmott_guy]

[While all the recent chaos is certainly important, it's not the only thing happening in Union. For example, just now is a new broadcast showing the grainy warp band footage of Gilgamesh standing in what looks like some kind of elaborate machine shop.]

Exciting news! I have revolutionized the food service industry! Behold!

[He makes a dramatic gesture and the warp band camera, which is apparently being held by someone else, turns to one side a bit to show what looks like a vague caricature of a man made of steel, with polished brass highlights.]

I call it the chefclank! Using a complex logic engine and a series of prerecord end recipes, the chefclank can perfectly replicate the motions of a human chef, and prepare any meal.

Chefclank: Initiate routine coleslaw.

[the metal man jerkily comes to life, spitting little burst of steam and making faint clanking noises as it moves. It reaches off to the side and pulls out a cabbage, which it starts to chop up with a kitchen knife.]

Just imagine it! In the future, ALL of man's needs will be provided for by armies of mechanical servants like this one! Free from the tyrannical demands of survival, we will all be free to devote our lives to art, literature, or science!

[As he rambles on in this vein, the chefclank runs out of cabbage, and starts cutting up other things: a pear, a cutting board, a bowl, a hammer...Gil didn't notice until it grabbed a distressed looking scatterbug and raised the knife.]

...And that's just the start! With Union's entire workforce mechanized-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

[Noticing the automaton's malfunction at last, Gil flings himself over the table and tackles it before it can hurt the poor Pokemon. So did whoever was holding the camera, for the view tilted oddly as if it was dropped, and what looked like a dwarf in an enormous, body concealing coat and hat ran into view babbling unintelligably to help. All of them fell out of view, leaving viewers to guess what was happening from the sounds of them struggling on the floor.

After a minute of silence, Gil climbed back up and deposited the unharmed scatterbug on the table. His left sleeve is in tatters, and his arm has a few scratches on it.]

Well, at least I can declare the self sharpening knife a success.

Back to the drawing board.

[He reaches over and kills the feed, regretting the decision to do this live.]

Comments

Video

[celebrity_commentator]

[The fun thing about being a compulsive Warp Band checker is the interesting things you come across immediately before besieging an army of insects.]

Well, your first mistake was thinking cooking is a mechanical process instead of art.

Re: Video

[schmott_guy]

It's basically just applied chemistry. There's no reason this shouldn't work once I iron out the kinks.

[celebrity_commentator]

Applied chemistry?

[Is that why she's so bad at it? Wait, no.]

There's a lot more to preparing food than just cutting and mixing stuff, you know. I can see some kind of automatic chopper working eventually, but you're not going to replace chefs.

[schmott_guy]

Well, not yet I'm not. I was far too overexcited.

[Video]

[stop_cannontime]

That's why I prefer to test my devices before broadcasting them for the city to see. Still, the confidence is something nice to see. That's been lacking just a bit lately among our peers.

[schmott_guy]

I think I know what I did wrong. I'll have to redo ALL the wiring, though.

[stop_cannontime]

Good. As they say, knowledge is half the battle. As a matter of fact, that's something I know from firsthand experience.

Video

[a_gentle_boy]

[Walking through a forest on the road to confront a horrifying menace is a good way to watch shenanigans back in Union, right.]

Um.

Are you all going to be OK?

[schmott_guy]

Just a scratch. I'm more mad about having to tackle my own work to stop it from committing murder.

[a_gentle_boy]

I've seen a lot of impressive machinery come out of the Old City before... but this is the first time I've ever seen a personal chef.

I bet it'll work if you keep the kitchen completely empty except for vegetables!

[this is encouraging, right?]

[ladyofluminosity]

[ Oh hey look, it's that guy.

You know.

That guy.

His name will come to her, she knows it.

...Oh yeah, that's right! ]

You know, I think you might still have some bugs to work out, Bill.

[ Okay, that pun was not intentional, but it was good. Wow, Lux, you're really getting the hang of this comedy thing. She smiles a bit proudly. Nami would be so proud. ]

[schmott_guy]

*cough* Gil.

[Ez's girlfriend. Filed under "Not very interesting".

Don't worry Lux, most people are filed there.]

I might have to break the whole thing down and start from scratch, honestly. I don't think I'm going about this the right way at all.

[ladyofluminosity]

Huh?

[ Did you say something, Bill? ]

That seems like such a waste. Can't you just, I don't know, kick it or something? That always seems to work for Ezreal when his stuff breaks or doesn't work right.

[ It's probably some kind of ancient Engineering strategy. ]

Video

[blood_and_thunder]

I-Is everyone all right?!

[That looked scary!]

[schmott_guy]

The chefclank is a bit worse for wear, but other than that yeah.

[blood_and_thunder]

That's a relief... We almost saw a bloodbath.

[indy_wannabe]

Looks like he needs some work. I just picked up some old circuit boards on a delve, want 'em?

[schmott_guy]

Oh but that's the best part, this device was made without using any ancient technology whatsoever! I will not stand for simply scavenging their leftovers when we could surpass them on our own!

*ahem*

But...yes, I would like those circuit boards. At least for research purposes.

[indy_wannabe]

I'll set 'em aside. As to surpassing them, I'd feel better if we could duplicate some of their technology. Their databases are really something else.

[ebbnflow]

[Nami can't really help but laugh a bit. Don't worry, she does eventually stop.]

Oh my cod, sorry, I shouldn't have laughed but it was amusing in a way. At least no one got seriously hurt though

[schmott_guy]

I liked this shirt...

[ebbnflow]

Shirts can be replaced though. Limbs and organs not so much. Still, I gotta fin it to you humans for your creativity.

[Video]

[outtahere]

[Well that was entertaining. Still...]

Aside from it not knowing when to stop, this is pretty interesting. If you can get it working right you might be right about it replacing human labor someday. In some areas, at least.

[schmott_guy]

Some areas still require a human touch, yes. Clanks aren't usually very...smart.

[outtahere]

How smart are they in general? I haven't looked into how you'd get a machine to make complex judgements before, but it seems like it'd be pretty challenging to make work at all.