Gilgamesh Wulfenbach (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
schmott_guy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bravenewworld2015-02-01 03:09 pm
schmott_guy) wrote in bravenewworld2015-02-01 03:09 pm
Video
[While all the recent chaos is certainly important, it's not the only thing happening in Union. For example, just now is a new broadcast showing the grainy warp band footage of Gilgamesh standing in what looks like some kind of elaborate machine shop.]
Exciting news! I have revolutionized the food service industry! Behold!
[He makes a dramatic gesture and the warp band camera, which is apparently being held by someone else, turns to one side a bit to show what looks like a vague caricature of a man made of steel, with polished brass highlights.]
I call it the chefclank! Using a complex logic engine and a series of prerecord end recipes, the chefclank can perfectly replicate the motions of a human chef, and prepare any meal.
Chefclank: Initiate routine coleslaw.
[the metal man jerkily comes to life, spitting little burst of steam and making faint clanking noises as it moves. It reaches off to the side and pulls out a cabbage, which it starts to chop up with a kitchen knife.]
Just imagine it! In the future, ALL of man's needs will be provided for by armies of mechanical servants like this one! Free from the tyrannical demands of survival, we will all be free to devote our lives to art, literature, or science!
[As he rambles on in this vein, the chefclank runs out of cabbage, and starts cutting up other things: a pear, a cutting board, a bowl, a hammer...Gil didn't notice until it grabbed a distressed looking scatterbug and raised the knife.]
...And that's just the start! With Union's entire workforce mechanized-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
[Noticing the automaton's malfunction at last, Gil flings himself over the table and tackles it before it can hurt the poor Pokemon. So did whoever was holding the camera, for the view tilted oddly as if it was dropped, and what looked like a dwarf in an enormous, body concealing coat and hat ran into view babbling unintelligably to help. All of them fell out of view, leaving viewers to guess what was happening from the sounds of them struggling on the floor.
After a minute of silence, Gil climbed back up and deposited the unharmed scatterbug on the table. His left sleeve is in tatters, and his arm has a few scratches on it.]
Well, at least I can declare the self sharpening knife a success.
Back to the drawing board.
[He reaches over and kills the feed, regretting the decision to do this live.]
Exciting news! I have revolutionized the food service industry! Behold!
[He makes a dramatic gesture and the warp band camera, which is apparently being held by someone else, turns to one side a bit to show what looks like a vague caricature of a man made of steel, with polished brass highlights.]
I call it the chefclank! Using a complex logic engine and a series of prerecord end recipes, the chefclank can perfectly replicate the motions of a human chef, and prepare any meal.
Chefclank: Initiate routine coleslaw.
[the metal man jerkily comes to life, spitting little burst of steam and making faint clanking noises as it moves. It reaches off to the side and pulls out a cabbage, which it starts to chop up with a kitchen knife.]
Just imagine it! In the future, ALL of man's needs will be provided for by armies of mechanical servants like this one! Free from the tyrannical demands of survival, we will all be free to devote our lives to art, literature, or science!
[As he rambles on in this vein, the chefclank runs out of cabbage, and starts cutting up other things: a pear, a cutting board, a bowl, a hammer...Gil didn't notice until it grabbed a distressed looking scatterbug and raised the knife.]
...And that's just the start! With Union's entire workforce mechanized-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
[Noticing the automaton's malfunction at last, Gil flings himself over the table and tackles it before it can hurt the poor Pokemon. So did whoever was holding the camera, for the view tilted oddly as if it was dropped, and what looked like a dwarf in an enormous, body concealing coat and hat ran into view babbling unintelligably to help. All of them fell out of view, leaving viewers to guess what was happening from the sounds of them struggling on the floor.
After a minute of silence, Gil climbed back up and deposited the unharmed scatterbug on the table. His left sleeve is in tatters, and his arm has a few scratches on it.]
Well, at least I can declare the self sharpening knife a success.
Back to the drawing board.
[He reaches over and kills the feed, regretting the decision to do this live.]
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You know I think they're going to start including that new plastique recipe I came up with in delver exploration kits. The one based on the sample you brought back last...October? It's tied up in red tape somewhere, but soon.
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