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[ Jean's normally spiky/fluffy haircut is even spikier today, if that's possible. The culprit? His baby mareep, which has decided to perch itself on his fluffy head. Babies are tiny, ok. And also full of static. ]

So the egg hatched the other day. You wouldn't believe what a pain it is to keep an electric-type from friggin' waking you up all the time when you've got feathers. This dumb mareep won't stop messing with my wings! But ma' likes her a lot, I guess, so we've been keeping her at home. Personally, I think she just wants free wool. (Don't let her know I said that.)

Anyway I guess I'll add my two cents in saying this tournament stuff is bullshit. But it beats getting attacked by weird machines so whatever, y'know? As long as they don't pull that shit again, who cares?

[ Pause............ ]

Oh, and I joined the Rangers, I guess. You can blame friggin' Eren and his dumb face. I know this shit ain't my journal or whatever but I've been kinda busy so I figured I owed some of you guys an update.

Still sucks that I couldn't get into the Swords, though.

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Come now, Kirstein. If you're going to be a Ranger, you have to stop with the "sir".

[A bemused chuckle, then a complete 180 into a glare.] It's Commander Smith.

[ Every nightmare made real is happening right now, Jean. At least you're not in your underwear. ]

Y-yes, sir! I mean, Commander Smith! I'm very sorry... I meant no disrespect.

Edited 2014-02-24 06:55 (UTC)

[Could be worse. He could be doing this in public. He shifts a little, frowning darkly.]

...I think it'd be in your best interest if you came in for an in-person assessment. Before you attend training camp and waste both our time.

[ Oh. Shit. Shit. Wow, Jean is shitting himself rn. ]

Uh, a-absolutely, okay. Yes sir, Commander. I can do that. Just say when.

[ Hey, at least his record with the Guard is pretty good. ]

[Unfortunately for Jean, Erwin gets his strength from the terror of teenagers.]

As soon as possible. [Looooong pause.] Unless, of course, you have something better to do.

No, sir! I don't! I mean, uh, I'm free. I can head over if you need me, Commander.

[ he doesn't actually want to get rejected, just on the basis of rejection is for losers. And Eren would never let him live it down. ]

Of course. It's getting close to the deadline, after all. I've already processed that friend of yours's application -- what's his name, Eren?

[Adding insult to injury: Eren's already been accepted.]

[ You aim low, Erwin. Very low indeed. ]

I'll be at the headquarters in ten, Commander.

[ At least with his Flying type affinity, he's got speed to his advantage. ]

Good. See to it.

[Should Erwin happen to look outside, will he see the majestic buttwings in flight?]

[ Kid can't fly yet, he's just light on his feet-- and makes it to the headquarters in record time. ]

Uh, Commander Smith called for me...?

[One of the many bustling soldiers waves Jean towards a nearby couch, saying something about Erwin being right with him. He isn't, not right away, but sudden slobbery weird Houndour is.

Does Erwin send out Gunsmoke as part of the interview process? Yep.]

Doooooour?

[ Oh no, a houndour... Jean definitely bends down to pet it. ]

Heyy, boy. What're you doing here? You bonded with one of the Rangers?

[The Houndour immediately has a spasm of delight, falling over and exposing his tummy for rubs, drooling all over the floor, himself and Jean's shoes. A passing Ranger will drop this interesting tidbit: That's Gunsmoke, the Commander's Pokemon. His only bonded Pokemon.]

[ This was the Commander's only bonded pokemon? Did he give up 'cause the guy was too dumb-looking? ]

Wow, gross... You're... wow, that's a fuckton of drool. You're really friggin' excited, aren't you? Gunsmoke is almost too badass-sounding for you.

[ Good thing Jean's patience is infinite for Pokemon because he just keeps giving it rubs-- though he does move his feet out of the way. Seriously, what a cute, dumb pokemon. ]

[It's like 99.9% possible that Erwin's thought process went exactly like that. Also he's basically one of those old dudes that hates everyone and everything except their dog, so.

Gunsmoke makes a weird gurgly sound, paws flopping back and forth, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He's either super-happy or going into a coma. Either way, he's distracting enough that Erwin can creep up, unnoticed.]

You made a friend, hm?

[ Jean jumps with a yelp, turning toward the source of the voice. Sure enough, Erwin has caught him petting his dog. Uh, Jean really hopes that isn't against the rules. He straightens up instantly. Jean may be an asshole and occasionally an idiot, but he knows to show his superiors proper respect. ]

C-Commander! Sorry, sir, I was just... He's seems really friendly so I, uh... I mean, my apologies, I didn't mean to... get distracted.

[Erwin somehow manages to chuckle without actually altering his facial expression at all, bending down to scoop up the drooly dog.]

He is really friendly, isn't he? [Gunsmoke gurgles contentedly, accepting the fact that he's up in the air with little to no concern.]

Yeah, he reminds me a lot of a Growlithe, to be honest. I didn't think Houndour were this friendly.

[ Guess they come in all kinds... Jean is too nervous to sit down now, though, so he kinda just stands... ]

He's...a very unique Houndour.

[Gunsmoke "oooo"s curiously at Erwin, then licks his cheek. Undaunted, Erwin shifts the bundle of gooey Pokemon to one arm and, all business now, waves Jean on.]

Come on, then. [Into the office -- it's bare, spartan, with a couple bookshelves, a table covered in maps and a desk covered in paperwork. Erwin sits in the slightly more comfortable chair behind it, settling Gunsmoke on a cushion at his feet (Gunsmoke is now apparently a liquid, because he slides off it with a "hooooounnnnnn") and leaving the wooden chair for Jean.] Please, sit.

[ Jean follows quietly, giving Erwin's office a quick once over before depositing himself in the lone chair. ]

You wanted to, uh... speak to me about my application?

[ Maybe he should've bullshitted more... ]

Mmm, yes. Not your qualifications of course -- those are spotless and they check out -- but your motivations for joining.

[Loooooong pause.] Perhaps verbally describing them would be better?

A-ha. That. Yeah...

[ So not bullshitting was bad. Now he knows. ]

Well, sir. To be honest, I'm joining mostly... to keep an eye on a friend of mine. I know the Rangers do a lot of dangerous work, and he's the type who rushes into things without ever considering the consequences.

[ He can actually words, he's not twelve, after all. ]

I mean, I know a lot people join saying stuff like how they're gonna give their life for humanity and all that... I think, maybe for them? Okay, whatever. But for me-- that's bullshit. I'm a fucking coward and I don't have the balls to run to my death like Eren. I just wanna make sure people don't die a lot, and make sure Eren doesn't get any people killed just 'cause he's so obsessed with whatever the hell he's aiming for.

...And, I dunno, maybe see some new stuff. That too.

[Erwin listens to all this, quietly, expression thoroughly unreadable. Once Jean finishes, the only sound is Gunsmoke's loud panting, for a moment.

Then, shifting minutely in his chair:] I see. That's...interesting.

I mean...! I really do wanna join! And I know I could do it...

Does it really matter if I'm not running into everything like I don't give a shit about whether I live or die? I'm sick of hearing assholes like Eren tell me that wanting to survive is worse than dying. We can't all be suicidal idiots who don't think twice about risking their lives!

I completely agree. [Whaaaaat, look outside, Jean, are Swinub's sprouting wings and flying, because Erwin Smith is agreeing with a cadet.]

There is, of course, a need for that sort of courage. But there's a need for prudence as well.

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action; jolee ilu have you been to the doctor yet

/pats u

/waps ur head

be nice 2 meeeeeeee

shhhhhhhhhhh did you go to the doctor or else I WON'T

I AM ALL HEALED LOVE ME

LOVES YOU

/rolls around in love

wraps you with it

/is a happy love burrito

/covers you in sauce

.../is nommed? D;

you're delicious