[ this isn't supposed to happen, people should be cautious around him, they should be scared. he jerks away from Lux, but his voice is desperate and frantic despite the shouting, and he curls in on himself defensively. even though he's angry, it isn't at her - frustrated, maybe, which doesn't matter at all because it's eclipsed so greatly by his fury at the Moon Man, at himself, at all of this. ]
If you don't go, I'm gonna hurt you even if I don't want to. This isn't about not fitting in, I was alone because of me! Because I'm not safe, because I can't be around people without this happening and there was nothing else I could do, so I just stayed away! And now— now sometimes I kind of wish I hadn't come back!
[ he whirls on the Mage, eyes wild. ] That's it, right?! That's what you meant when you said I don't want to be a person? Well, I DON'T! I'm sick of everyone just ignoring what I am and pretending I can be what they want! What, it's not bad enough that I lost myself once already, now I get this too?! All it does is make me feel like no one is ever listening to me, or even seeing me! Ignoring what I am doesn't make it go away!
[ Jack and the Moon Man stare at each other in silence as the last of Jack's screams ring out and fade away. on his next exhale, all of Jack's breath leaves him in a great rush, a whoosh of air that comes out with a small, quiet: oh. he presses both of his trembling hands hard over his heart. there is too much happening in his chest, the blazing coldness and gaping hollow inside his ribcage, his lungs aching with exhaustion, and now his heart just - hurts, for some reason. what if things aren't okay? they are, he starts to tell himself immediately, he's fine and everything is fine; everything that has happened is okay, he can handle it, it's never been that bad and he doesn't even need to think about it, but...
ignoring it doesn't make it go away. right? not his Homunculus nature, and not anything else; not the terrifying void that he falls into when he thinks too long about himself, not the loneliness or the anger or the fear, not every little thing that is wrong with him. ]
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[ this isn't supposed to happen, people should be cautious around him, they should be scared. he jerks away from Lux, but his voice is desperate and frantic despite the shouting, and he curls in on himself defensively. even though he's angry, it isn't at her - frustrated, maybe, which doesn't matter at all because it's eclipsed so greatly by his fury at the Moon Man, at himself, at all of this. ]
If you don't go, I'm gonna hurt you even if I don't want to. This isn't about not fitting in, I was alone because of me! Because I'm not safe, because I can't be around people without this happening and there was nothing else I could do, so I just stayed away! And now— now sometimes I kind of wish I hadn't come back!
[ he whirls on the Mage, eyes wild. ] That's it, right?! That's what you meant when you said I don't want to be a person? Well, I DON'T! I'm sick of everyone just ignoring what I am and pretending I can be what they want! What, it's not bad enough that I lost myself once already, now I get this too?! All it does is make me feel like no one is ever listening to me, or even seeing me! Ignoring what I am doesn't make it go away!
[ Jack and the Moon Man stare at each other in silence as the last of Jack's screams ring out and fade away. on his next exhale, all of Jack's breath leaves him in a great rush, a whoosh of air that comes out with a small, quiet: oh. he presses both of his trembling hands hard over his heart. there is too much happening in his chest, the blazing coldness and gaping hollow inside his ribcage, his lungs aching with exhaustion, and now his heart just - hurts, for some reason. what if things aren't okay? they are, he starts to tell himself immediately, he's fine and everything is fine; everything that has happened is okay, he can handle it, it's never been that bad and he doesn't even need to think about it, but...
ignoring it doesn't make it go away. right? not his Homunculus nature, and not anything else; not the terrifying void that he falls into when he thinks too long about himself, not the loneliness or the anger or the fear, not every little thing that is wrong with him. ]
It doesn't...