[ the Moon Man regards her for a moment, his face impassive, and then he turns his pale eyes on Jack. he says nothing. there is no frown, no irritation that furrows his brow, just smooth patience and silence. what exactly he is waiting for seems unclear, until Jack starts to speak, and the Mage's eyes light up with attention, interest. ]
No. No, I have to... I want to hear him. I've been waiting all this time, and for what? Even if you are fake, just tell me. You know what I want!
Look at you. You're so desperate for answers, because you think that will magically fix all of your problems. Part of you must know how broken you are, given that you seem to think getting back your memories will save you. What is that question you always ask yourself? "How can I know who I am..."
... until I find out who I was. [ his voice is small, and his grip on Lux's hand goes slack. ] That's— That has nothing to do with—
It does. You won't think about that scary dark hole inside of you, or what's going to happen if what you find doesn't solve everything. You only see a goal. All you want is an easy way out.
That's not true! [ it's not. he knows that deep down to his bones, it's not true, he doesn't just want his memories to fix himself, to make the hurt go away - he so so desperately wants to find out who he was, what life he led, if there is anyone left behind and missing him. where did he come from, why did this happen to him— it isn't just about healing the hurts caused by the gaps in him. even if he can't explain it, it's more than that. (and Lux disappears under all of this thought, under the weight of the vision's words; there are no caves, no illusions, nothing else exists because there is the Moon Man, the memories, there is the only thing that matters—)
but it isn't a complete lie, either. the thought that all his answers might only meliorate his wounds, not remove them from him completely, that things might be... not okay even after trying for so long to recover what he had lost... it's terrifying. it's the kind of thing he could have nightmares about.
that he might never get his answers at all is not something he can even confront. ]
You made me! You took my whole life away, you did this to me! I had something, I-I was a person, and—
And who are you now?
[ as he throws out that question, the Moon Man disappears down one of the tunnels. rather than give an answer, Jack gives a shattered yell and tears his hand out of Lux's hold, lunges into the shadows to chase the spectre with desperation; his footsteps leave clumps of solid ice behind, and a freezing wind howls after him. ]
no subject
No. No, I have to... I want to hear him. I've been waiting all this time, and for what? Even if you are fake, just tell me. You know what I want!
Look at you. You're so desperate for answers, because you think that will magically fix all of your problems. Part of you must know how broken you are, given that you seem to think getting back your memories will save you. What is that question you always ask yourself? "How can I know who I am..."
... until I find out who I was. [ his voice is small, and his grip on Lux's hand goes slack. ] That's— That has nothing to do with—
It does. You won't think about that scary dark hole inside of you, or what's going to happen if what you find doesn't solve everything. You only see a goal. All you want is an easy way out.
That's not true! [ it's not. he knows that deep down to his bones, it's not true, he doesn't just want his memories to fix himself, to make the hurt go away - he so so desperately wants to find out who he was, what life he led, if there is anyone left behind and missing him. where did he come from, why did this happen to him— it isn't just about healing the hurts caused by the gaps in him. even if he can't explain it, it's more than that. (and Lux disappears under all of this thought, under the weight of the vision's words; there are no caves, no illusions, nothing else exists because there is the Moon Man, the memories, there is the only thing that matters—)
but it isn't a complete lie, either. the thought that all his answers might only meliorate his wounds, not remove them from him completely, that things might be... not okay even after trying for so long to recover what he had lost... it's terrifying. it's the kind of thing he could have nightmares about.
that he might never get his answers at all is not something he can even confront. ]
You made me! You took my whole life away, you did this to me! I had something, I-I was a person, and—
And who are you now?
[ as he throws out that question, the Moon Man disappears down one of the tunnels. rather than give an answer, Jack gives a shattered yell and tears his hand out of Lux's hold, lunges into the shadows to chase the spectre with desperation; his footsteps leave clumps of solid ice behind, and a freezing wind howls after him. ]